I believe you.
Whether it was a stranger or someone you know, whether it happened at a party, on the street, or inside your own home or office, whether or not you reported it to police or let your friends and family know, experiencing a sexual assault can turn your life upside-down.
Things that used to come to you easy now seem to take a lifetime of going back and forth and second guessing, at times becoming impossible to make a decision. Keeping up with your friends and family and the demands of work or school is hard to do when you don’t even feel safe leaving your house. Every time you leave the house you’re on edge, constantly looking over your shoulder, on the look-out for the slightest hint or clue that something might be up. Going shopping has become more difficult, because now you have to scan the parking lot and make sure you know where the exits are. Fun stuff you used to enjoy like festivals, concerts or even just going out for a night of dancing cause way too much anxiety. There are too many people, too many opportunities for something to go wrong, the odds too high that you’ll run into them.
Maybe you’ve tried to deal with it yourself, thought that if you didn’t think about it or if you stuffed it down far enough, the memories would just go away on their own. Instead you’ve found that just as pouring yourself into projects at home or at work so that you’re constantly busy hasn’t helped, neither has trying to numb the pain with something like shopping, drugs, or alcohol. You still have dreams, nightmares, or flashbacks about what happened, sometimes only occasionally and other times almost nightly.
Despite the success in other areas of your life, you still blame yourself for what happened and find it hard to trust people. You question and doubt yourself, no matter how much you might look like you have it together to everyone else.
Sex is… hard. Maybe it’s out of the question completely, or maybe for you it’s okay sometimes and terrible other times. It’s not uncommon for survivors of sexual assault or abuse to get squeamish at the thought of someone touching them or to be flooded with bad memories, feeling like it’s happening all over again. Or maybe for you it’s at the other end of the scale, and you found that choosing to engage in a lot of sex helped you feel like you were more in control at the time, only you end up beating yourself up about it later on and wishing that things were different. That happens a lot, too.
Maybe you haven’t even identified what happened as surviving a sexual assault or abuse. You just know that things haven’t been the same since it happened, and couldn’t figure out why.
There are a lot of myths out there about sexual assault. Although some will say that it’s not a big deal or that it doesn’t happen that often, the fact is that someone in this country is sexually assaulted every 98 seconds. 1 in 6 women experience attempted or successful sexual assault or rape, and about 1 in 10 survivors are men. It happens whether you are someone who is heterosexual, or whether you identify as belonging to the LGBTQ community. It’s true that sexual assault can happen by someone we don’t know, but it’s much more common to be assaulted by someone you do know, including the person you’re in a relationship with or someone in your family. And many survivors suffer a lot of long-term impacts, including Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other problems like the ones mentioned earlier.
You know you should talk about it, but what are you supposed to say? And what can your friends or family really do about it? It’s possible that you’ve even ventured into the therapy world before, hoping that talking to a counselor would help you be able to move on, only to find that the therapist you were working with didn’t really get it, couldn’t relate to it, and gave you advice that just wasn’t working for you. You’re hesitant to try again, but you also don’t want things to stay the same anymore either.
You want things to be and feel different, to be less anxious and confused, to feel sure of yourself again. You’re ready to feel like you’re in control of your own life again. I can help you get there. It’s what I’ve been doing for the past 10+ years.
When you’re in my office, you won’t have to convince me, or worry about what I might be thinking when you tell me your story, or be afraid that I’m going to tell you to suck it up already. Nope. That’s not my style. I believe you. I don’t think you did anything wrong. I get it. And I can help.
I know it can be a big and sometimes scary step to start talking to someone about this stuff. That’s why I offer a free phone consult before you commit to coming in. We can talk a little about what’s going on, and I can answer any questions you might have. To get started today, you can use the Contact Me form, you can send me an email or give me a call, or you can schedule your free phone consultation at the bottom of this page.
You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m a phone call or click away, and I’m ready to help you get your old (or new) life back.