Used. Abused. Intimidated and Broken. You don’t know how you got here.
When you first met, things were great. They were great. They always told you how beautiful you were; how strong they thought you were; how proud they were to call you their’s. You’d been through enough and you deserved to have someone take care of you for a change. They said all the right things, and hell, they even walked the walk there for awhile.
The change didn’t happen overnight. You’re not even sure if you can remember when it started. Your partner just started getting frustrated a lot easier. Things they used to compliment you on suddenly became targets when they had a bad day at work. Things that you had no control over were suddenly your fault. If things weren’t just right, then you could expect that they might lose their temper. You tried your best, but what qualified as just right always seemed to change.
They always apologized, though.
Told you that’s not who they wanted to be and promised that they’re not really abusive. They can’t believe what they just did, and promised that it wouldn’t happen again. Said that they couldn’t live without you. And things went back to normal… sometimes they were even nicer than when you first met. But then they’d get angry and blow up and the cycle of abuse and/or violence would begin again. This started happening more frequently at some point… there was less and less time in between the outbursts. You found yourself walking on eggshells, unsure of what would set things off.
They used to get along with your family and friends, but lately they’re one of the things that you all fight about the most. Your partner is always complaining about the people you care most about or finding ways to get out of being around them. Your family and friends don’t seem to like your partner much anymore, either, and they keep asking you why you put up with this and “Why you don’t leave?” They don’t get it, and it’s gotten easier to just stay away from them. Sure, you miss them, but it’s easier to stay away.
Because that’s what keeps the peace.
Except that you constantly question yourself from all the put-downs and aren’t sure how to keep the peace anymore. You’re at the point that you’ve had enough. You’re tired of making excuses for them. Part of you knows that you deserve better, but the other part of you is filled with fear, doubt and uncertainty… the “what if” game is on repeat in your mind. Between this and the replay of their voice telling you how big of a screw up you are, you feel paralyzed.
It’s not your fault.
You’ve been torn down by the person you love the most, and here lately, you’re feeling more anxious and depressed. It might seem like an impossible hill to climb back up. You don’t have to do it alone. Counseling can help you build your confidence, boost your self-esteem, and help you get back to who you used to be.
Regardless of where you are in your relationship (whether you’re still in it and aren’t ready to leave; if you’re planning on leaving soon and need some help figuring out how to do it safely; or whether you’ve already ended the relationship), I can help you sort through all of this and learn more about the nature of domestic violence so that you can stop feeling crazy and blaming yourself, and begin to feel normal again.
Call me today or schedule your Free Consultation at the bottom of the page.