To everyone else, it looks like you have the perfect relationship.
And for the most part, it’s true. Okay… so maybe perfect is a stretch, but its pretty good. You’re best friends. You know each other. You support each other. You still have a ton of fun together and enjoy making each other laugh. Aside from the occasional argument (because let’s face it – all relationships have them), you guys don’t really fight. There aren’t any eggshells that you guys are trying to side-step. Maybe it’s the best relationship you’ve ever had.
You should be over the moon about this, right? And you are. But you’re also kind of terrified. You’re scared that your partner’s going to give up and either cheat on you or just full-on leave you. Because despite how good the relationship is, there’s a piece that you’re struggling with, and it’s a pretty big one.
Intimacy. Touching. Sex.
It used to be fine– it even used to be pretty good. But here lately, you’ve found that you avoid going to bed at the same time. You try to beat them to bed and be the first to fall asleep, or you wait until your partner is snoring logs to quietly crawl into bed next to them. You wear sweatpants and a way-too-big-for-you t-shirt to bed. You face the other way and avoid cuddling, afraid of what that kind of touching might lead to.
You feel shitty about it. Who doesn’t like having sex with their partner? You WANT to want to have a great sex life with your partner. But the truth is – when they touch you, you hold your breath. You tense up and try to mentally prepare for what that hug, kiss, or even holding hands might turn into. You try to tell yourself that you can do it… that it’s not a big deal… this is the person you love, and they love you back; in fact, they love you more than anyone else ever has. Why can’t you just get with it already?
So you do – you pull yourself together and you go with it. But sometimes it feels like you’re forcing yourself, and that makes you feel even shittier when its over with. Sometimes you cry, and other times you hold it in and smile and say how great it was for you, too. Silently, you’re already counting down to when you have to do it again.
The two of you have talked about it a few times, and your partner tries to be supportive. You keep telling them that you don’t know what’s going on or why you’re struggling with sex and intimacy, and you both hope that it’ll get better. But it’s a cycle, and it always comes back to this point. You guys are both tired of having the same conversation. You cry when it comes up. Your partner feels bad, and then you cry some more. So you both avoid bringing it back up, and on the surface, it looks like everything goes back to normal, back to that relationship that your friends wish they had.
Really, though, you’re always wondering when your time will be up. You’re afraid that your partner will finally have enough, and find it somewhere else. Or that they’ll just up and leave one day, because they have needs, and you can’t fill them.
You know things need to change, but you’re scared as hell. Why am I so messed up? What will I have to do to fix this? And what if I can’t get better? What if I’ll always be this way?
Together, in a safe and judgment-free space, I can help you figure out why all of this is happening. We’ll figure out if something’s happened in the past that might not be 100% in the past and why it might be interfering with the best relationship you’ve had. We’ll work to figure out how to move past this and get you feeling back to normal, so that you can finally enjoy this part of your relationship again.
I know it might be scary to talk about. That’s why I offer a free phone consultation to help you figure out if you might be comfortable coming in and talking more about it. Look for the Free Consultation button at the bottom of the page and schedule your’s today.
